THE HAPPINESS CODE - PART I

Last week, I was reminded of an interesting concept I had read in a book some years ago. It was expressed through a monologue by a wise Guru to his protégé and got imprinted onto my mind as a life truth. It went something like this – 

Looking straight at the little boy in front of him, the master said,

“Remember, son. Every human being is unique. With a unique happiness Code that is the key to his very existence. What exactly is this happiness Code? Well, it is a complex cypher... of blissfulness. Can it be decoded? Yes, but only by the person himself. Should one try and decode it? Sure, if one wants to be happy as often as possible! The Code maps the person’s intrinsic level of maximum joy with respect to each facet of his life. It is at this level, that the person will be happiest when that facet manifests itself. For example, if you enjoy your coffee most, when it's at 95 C (i.e. your happiness Code for a satisfying mug of steaming hot coffee is mapped at 95 C), you will feel less than satisfied having it at 90 C or at 100 C. Of course, you don't know the temperature of your coffee. But you know if you liked it or not! Got it?

Well, it is pretty much the same in other parts of our lives too. Take for example, the car that you might own. If your Code is mapped to be happiest driving a basic 1000 cc sedan, owning a Jaguar won’t make you happier. It might, temporarily or occasionally. You could show it off, or make others envy your success or simply turn heads as you drive by. But deep inside, it won’t really fill you with joy. What does that actually mean? It means, that all the above be as they may, owning a Jaguar might fill you with fears of attracting unwanted attention to your wealth (assuming your Code is mapped to maintaining subtlety around your wealth) or you may be anxious of possible accidents on account of the way the car zooms on crowded city roads (assuming again, your Code is not inclined to the thrills of a fast life). On the other hand, what if all you could afford was a two-seater scooter? That could make you unhappy too. True, you won’t exactly attract attention when you pass by and neither invoke envy within your social circle. But then, you would be unhappy about being subjected to the vagaries of the weather and being unable to carry your entire family. Bottom line – you are not really at ease with the Jaguar and definitely uncomfortable with the scooter.

Maybe, owning a simple four-seater car is just the right thing for you. But, either you end up with a white elephant or you just can’t afford anything more than a two-wheeler!

Now, and this is the key point here – Do YOU know what is best for you? As opposed to what is popularly professed to be the best!

Our education system and social upbringing engineers us to grade everything on a scale. The strongest nation, weakest team, tallest man, ugliest pet, prettiest girl, shortest player, cutest baby, highest grades, fanciest clothes, biggest car, tastiest food, fattest salaries, highest growth.. fastest.. coolest.. most.. least.. best.. worst.. The list of hyperbole is endless. And over time, we develop an implicit belief that each one of us should aspire for the highest thing on every scale. Work for them and covet them when we attain the prize. Else we are filled with lifelong obsessions or regrets. That – is pretty much the mantra, isn’t it? A mantra that defines our behavior in virtually every aspect of our short lives. From relationships to career, from things of daily need to those exemplifying luxury. From the way we work to the way we holiday. From the way we study to the education we obtain. Needless to say, all of these eventually relate to material goals. Why is it so? Because material targets are tangible, attainable, visible to others and most of all, we sort of know how to get them. At least somebody does. So we always have someone to emulate!

But... What about the goalposts of our emotional well-being? Feelings of happiness, satisfaction, love and fulfillment?  

Are you asking yourself – won’t those come with all the material things? No, my dear. They need to be chased separately. And earnestly. In fact, they are the only things you should really be running after. Because, only then would you know what you would need to chase materially.

Okay, think about the ‘happier’ people you know. Do they have ‘more’ than you? Similarly, are those who have ‘more’ than you definitely ‘happier’? So tell me son, why would you assume, that you should try to have the best of everything, and not what works best for you and makes your life more joyful?”

What made me remember this short excerpt, is a matter of little consequence here. But it did leave me thinking. About many realities of our lives as we know it. I had read this story many years ago and maybe parts of it were just beginning to make sense to me. And connecting back to my life, in more ways than one. More importantly, am I living my life in sync with my Code or out of it?  

THAI TRAVELS - LAND OF THE FREE

I was in Thailand last week. On my third trip there, in little over a decade.

The first time, I was a pink-behind-the-ears young manager, there for a national conference in the December of 2004. Part of a highly-enthused bunch of corporate rats, delighted to just get out of our hometowns and daily routine. We were looking forward to joys untold (the conference itself not being one of them). An annual team offsite, we didn’t do much during the first two days, besides getting drowned in corporate rhetoric being dunked by the top brass. Loads of spiel on business performance and the promise of good times to come. And the slew of absolutely exciting arsenal that would be at our disposal to decimate competition and kick ass in the market. Whew! Were we dying to get out of that conference hall or what!

We did this for two straight days, taking coffee-breaks to back-slap all the felicitated star-performers who were credited to have brought the rest of us – try-harder-next-time blokes – to the wonderful paradise that was Thailand. Of course, we hadn’t seen any evidence of the ‘paradise’ yet, in what seemed to be a beautiful country of fair beaches and equally fair women. We did eventually get a taste of it though on 3^rd and 4^th days (and nights) when a hundred of us were let loose on the streets of Bangkok. There was a lot of shopping, pubbing, eating, drinking and making merry. The nights ended with sun-rises, literally. When I look back on those memories, I see a montage of images of Bangkok from dusk-to-dawn and little else. It was a nice time but it may have just been anywhere else in the world that has a vibrant nightlife.

The next two trips were much later, within short periods of each other, in November 2014 and May 2016. These were family trips with Suni and our daughter, Baani. During these two holidays, I discovered not only a nation’s cultural DNA but was also amazed at the contradictions that the Thai people comfortably live with.

In 2014, we made our first stop at Pattaya, a mid-sized hamlet south of Bangkok, known for its beaches and naughty lifestyle. I still remember the first evening that the three of us stepped out to take a walk along the lovely, but crowded promenade along a beach that extended to over 3 miles. As we marvelled at the number of tourists, shops and eateries dotted along the promenade, I was surprised to see Thai women (and some non-Thai) under every alternate tree soliciting customers.

Did I not expect it? Was I being naïve in thinking this was a respectable area with such goings-on out-of-place? As I turned red with embarrassment at the overtness of it all, I glanced awkwardly at Suni and Baani. Suni seemed to be lost in similar thoughts and Baani appeared enamoured by some gleaming Turkish chandeliers across the road that had caught her attention. Instinctively, I huddled them closer to me, like someone expecting his companions to be kidnapped! However, as we walked a bit ahead, it was apparent to me that the activity below the trees, albeit in our face, was limited to just there. Even as we passed within a few feet of each of the women, some of whom were in deep negotiation with customers, there was no attempt to call out to me (I may seem immodest here, but a few of them did look at me admiringly but refrained from acting on it). Thankfully. Half hour later, we reached the end of the beach unhindered and it had become evident that the beach-side was a microcosm of Thai life. It belonged to everyone who was on it that evening. With no interference or claim from anyone else.

By the time we left Pattaya 3 days later, I didn’t have any apprehension of leaving Suni and Baani to walk by themselves along the beach, any time of the day or night (okay, maybe a bit at night). On the contrary, it was amusing to eavesdrop some of the interactions that would be taking place under the trees as we passed the people under it, during our evening sojourns.

Why is this memory one of my most vivid of Thailand? I have reflected sometimes over this query, because this story is one of my oft-repeated anecdotes about Thailand.

I think it may be so, because that promenade in Pattaya epitomizes a lot of what I have come to see in Thailand over the subsequent weeks. It is a country that is at peace with itself. The Thai people live many lives, all in complete and genuine harmony with each other. Bangkok, one of the most visited tourist destinations in South-East Asia, sees an influx of foreigners that many European capitals may never witness. Yet, all these people of different origins look like they belong there.

Bangkok is a city of abundance. Of everything. It has some of the biggest shopping arcades, rail & river public transport, high-rise condos & low-income ghettos, international hotel chains & hundreds of Airbnb rooms, massage parlours (I could see 6 of them right from our hotel room window), large cafes & street food corners, foreign cuisines & ethnic food joints, apparel & footwear being sold for the price of a Starbucks coffee, luxury brands from all over, sky-trains and bike taxis, gourmet food stores & floating vegetable markets on the river, scores of nightclubs and one Grand Palace! Heck, it has 3 temples, each of a standing, sitting and reclining Buddha, all within walking distances of each other (one of the best sights in Bangkok!). Across the country, the calm of Zen rubs shoulders (or trades punches may sound more like it!) with Muay Thai, one of the most popular (and violent) sports in Thailand.

What is it about Bangkok (and rest of Thailand) that endears it to the thousands of people who visit it every year? Is it something conscious on part of the Thai society or something intrinsic to their way of living? I have come slowly to the conclusion that it’s more of the latter.

This is a country rooted deep in age-old Buddhist culture. A phenomenon that transcends everything that the Thai do on a daily basis. On meeting, a Thai will greet you with a soft and genuine smile, folded hands and bowed head. ‘Sawadee kha’, the Thai way of saying hello, is one of the politest greetings around the world. It creates a climate of welcome and warmth that gently absorbs you into their daily life through the ensuing interaction. There is almost a feeling of being wanted, even though you are merely a visitor to their land.

One of the most common sights in Thailand is of ‘Ladyboys’. Most of us would turn to look a second time at them (some of them being so darn pretty, it’s not funny!) But for the Thai people, they are as integral to society as anyone else. Whether in nightclubs or malls, as performers or regular occupations that any of us work in, Ladyboys are visible everywhere. Their physical configuration is different, but that’s where the dissimilarity ends. When you interact with them, it is no different than talking to anyone else. Neither for them, neither for you. For a society that is centuries old, the Thai exhibit what can be considered true tolerance. In fact, they are not even being ‘tolerant’. It is something that nations with age-old customs and traditions, especially India, can learn a lot from. Diversity is a beautiful thing. If allowed to survive, it will eventually thrive. A society that is accepting, is a society that makes progress.

When I compare the Bangkok I visited 12 years ago to the one I see today, I see a bustling, modern and metropolitan city. One that many of us would aspire to work or live in, at least for some time. A city with lots to offer to singles or those with families, Bangkok has really grown in the last decade. While the luxuries of contemporary life have abundantly found their way into the Thai way of living, the temples, river markets and several palaces still serve as must-see sites for most people who visit Thailand. The grandeur of the Grand Palace, the ornate depictions in temples and the sheer sincerity of dedication in everything they’ve built, belies the simplicity that one sees in the Thai way of living. It raises the question – are the Thai exhibitionist or are they simply very devoted?

This is easily answered when you observe the Thai closely, from the way they conduct everything. Their strong approach of divinity-in-work is evident in everything that a visitor would come in touch with. The Thai are mostly Buddhist, with Christianity being a distant second in terms of the religion practised. As much as they differ in many customary ways, both these faiths find common ground too. And what one witnesses is a homogenously bonded social fabric that runs across the Thai milieu. From shady massage parlours to international F&B chains, from pubs dotted with pairs of old men and young Thai girls to Buddhist temples as oases of calm in a tirelessly fast-paced city, Bangkok is a melting pot that has something for everyone. And yet, if one were to look beneath the superficial perceptions of those who visit Bangkok (and rest of Thailand), I would wager that the impressions would be quite similar. Impressions comprising feelings of – pleasure, vibrancy, peace, excitement, novelty, warmth, modern & traditional, global & native.

As Bangkok continues to draw in the tourists, professionals and immigrants year after year, the transformation of this beautiful city and country will be a gradual but certain phenomenon. When I think about the strength of the social fabric of the Thai people, I am confident that the merging of several cultures will evolve Thailand into something even more appealing to the global traveller. I certainly look forward to my next visit to the land of the ‘free man’ – Thailand (The word Thai means "free man" in the Thai language, "differentiating the Thai from the natives encompassed in Thai society”). 

Ritto, June 1, 2016